Another Step in the Right Direction

I finally got things reorganized and started back with physical therapy for my left knee. I had been doing PT for a few weeks, but toward the end of my last semester of college this past fall, things became so hectic and overwhelming that I stopped going. At first, it was just cancelling a couple of appointments with the intention of rescheduling, but then I just never seemed to get around to making a new appointment. In the meantime, my knee has gotten worse and I realize that I need to get it back in shape if I'm going to be able to continue increasing my level of activity to aid my weight loss. As it is now, I can't stand or walk for more than a little while before the pains causes me to stop. Even shopping, with a cart to lean on, becomes too painful after a couple of hours.

So, today was my first appointment since October. It went very well, actually, although I had a bit more aching than usual at home later on. Getting this knee straightened out will give me the ability to be more active, thereby losing more weight. And, of course. losing weight will help take the excess pressure off my knee.

Will I ever be back to jumping rope like a kid? I dunno about that... it would be fun, but right now, I'll be happy just to be able to walk my dog or take a stroll with my Hunny without limping and grimacing. Being able to get through a routine dinner preparation without having to sit down frequently would be nice, too.

A Shame When We Waste Opportunities to Teach

I just got home from a shopping trip to Target and had an experience that bummed me in more ways than one.

I was standing at the end of an aisle, between two rows of merchandise shelves. A young couple with a little boy passed by, walking past the ends of the rows of shelves. The little boy, who looked to be about three years old, was riding in the shopping cart that his mom was pushing, with the dad walking beside her.

I didn't see them at first, because I was occupied looking at a piece of merchandise, but I heard the child say what sounded like something about "fat" but I wasn't sure what he said. But then, the mom laughed, followed by the dad asking, "What?" The mom replied, "He said, 'She's really fat'." When they both laughed, the little boy joined them.

I was the only shopper standing nearby, so the child obviously meant me. I really, really wanted to speak to them about it but unfortunately, by this time, they were more than an aisle over from me, and I didn't really want to seem like I was chasing them down. At least, that's what I told myself. Maybe I was just too concerned (afraid?) about how they would react.

What would I have said if I had the opportunity? Just this: "Excuse me. I happen to have heard your little boy's comment about me just now. I'm not mad, but I do think it's really sad that you just missed such a teachable moment with your child. Young children say whatever they think and it's up to us, as parents, to teach them what is appropriate and what isn't. You could have explained to him that saying such things about people is considered rude and it can hurt people's feelings. Instead, you chose to laugh at it, which sent him the message that not only is it okay to say unkind things about people, it's even funny. I hope that when this kind of opportunity presents itself again -- as it surely will -- that you will give some thought to handling it differently."

Of course, I missed my own teaching opportunity here -- the opportunity to perhaps help a young, inexperienced couple of parents see things in a different light. They may have been receptive, or they may have told me to... well... %$*&@#.... or whatever.

So, I'm doing the next best thing I can think of. I'm sharing here and perhaps someone else will be able to get something from it. At least it makes me feel like I did something even if it wasn't what I really wish I'd done. And, maybe next time I have such a teaching opportunity, I'll take advantage of it.

On the brighter side... this encourages me to keep working on my goal so that someday I will be disqualified for the "really fat" title!

BACK ON TRACK!!

Okay, it's really late and I'm really sleepy, but I just have to take a minute to report that not only did I re-lose that *&%@!+ seven pounds that I had initially lost then re-gained, but I lost another three pounds. YES!! This feels good!
So.... a net total of ten pounds down so far.
NO MORE RE-GAINING!!

Why NOT?

I haven't posted recently because I don't like accepting or admitting that I have already regained the seven pounds I just lost. This sucks. I know what I need to do and I know how to do it. I know why I need to do it. I know that I am the only one who can make the changes that are needed.

Then why am I not doing it? Why NOT? I need to get my head around this and plan how to overcome it.

A moment to indulge in some whining... why does it have to be SO freaking hard to lose seven pounds and SO freaking easy to gain it back?? I feel like kicking and screaming that it's not fair. That won't help... unless I kick hard enough and long enough, and work off enough calories. I hate this. But hate it or not, I'm not giving up.

Same Actions Yield Same Results

It was Einstein who famously said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Not that I was expecting different results, though. I knew eating more "old way" than "new way" would not yield the desired result, and indeed it did not. I reclaimed a pound of the excess weight I had thrown away in the past two weeks.

So. I am not going to fret over it or roll in guilty recriminations. I'm simply going to eat better this week and look forward to tossing away that pound again and, hopefully, more along with it.

In the meantime, I think I'll try blogging a little every day to help maintain my focus. In addition, I think I'll spend a little more time reading the blogs of others who have already successfully accomplished what I'm working toward. I discovered some today that seem especially encouraging, so I plan to make it a habit to read them regularly for added support -- "PriorFatGirl", "Pudget" and "On My Way". Check them out on My Blog List.

With these adjustments, this week should be more successful. My pastor likes to say that as long as we're still fighting a battle, we haven't lost. Well, I haven't lost this one and I'm not going to! Just saying that makes me smile and feel more confident!

Successful Week Number Two (a.k.a. Perfectionism Not Allowed)

Another pound of excess weight thrown away this week! After the big loss last week, it's hard to get really excited about losing "just a pound" this week. However, considering how much take-out we had this past week, I'm actually quite happy to have this much loss. We ate out some and ordered in some, but the key was keeping an eye on .... yes, healthy food, healthy portions. Okay, I admit the food wasn't all healthy -- I'm not going to make this "confession time" but suffice it to say I'd like to do better this week.

The bottom line, though, is that I managed to make enough good decisions to have a positive outcome for the week. Seems funny to call a negative number a positive thing. : )  I just want to keep remembering that this is about making good changes, even little ones, and letting them add up to create the results I'm seeking. Perfectionism has failed me over and over again -- has sabotaged me, really -- so I need to avoid allowing my thinking to even begin turning in that direction. Imperfect life is good life!

FABULOUS First Week!

I am thrilled that my eat-healthy-foods-in-healthy-portions plan is working. This first week, without the obsessive calorie counting, measuring and weighing, I have thrown away SIX POUNDS of excess weight! Kicked it to the curb -- goodbye and good riddance!


One of the biggest changes about my mindset is that, if I were at this stage in a past "diet program" I would be saying to myself something like, "Well, this is only the first week in a long process. It's going to take a long time to meet my goal. I have to stay committed."  BlahBlahBlah.


This isn't a "long process" anymore. I'm not simply trying to reach a certain goal and then... then, what? stop? No, this is a change in the way I live. Yes, I have a goal of reaching a healthy weight and fitness level, but I am not living life differently just to reach the goal -- the goals will simply be a by-product of my choice to change the way I live and eat. I need to keep in mind that I am not on a diet. I am not on a program. I am simply eating healthy portions of healthy food and becoming more physically active.


This is so.... freeing. I don't have to be perfect. Without a rigid program and set rules, I don't feel pressured to be perfect. I can't "slip" because there are no hard-line rules. I can't "cheat" because nothing is "forbidden." Just by eliminating the whole guilt thing, I have eliminated one of the biggest problems I've encountered in the past -- that, "Oh, I blew it... who cares... might as well go ahead and... (overeat something bad)...."  Without those regimental rules, there is no such thing as "blowing it." 


Okay.... back to earth. The birds are chirping outside my open patio doors. It's hovering around 70 degrees. I think Spring might actually be edging her way through. I'm so ready. I want to plant and mulch and dig and get dirty. Then watch little green sprouts erupt and blossoms open and nests appear under the eaves of my awning. My favorite time of year is approaching. Life feels good right now.