A Shame When We Waste Opportunities to Teach

I just got home from a shopping trip to Target and had an experience that bummed me in more ways than one.

I was standing at the end of an aisle, between two rows of merchandise shelves. A young couple with a little boy passed by, walking past the ends of the rows of shelves. The little boy, who looked to be about three years old, was riding in the shopping cart that his mom was pushing, with the dad walking beside her.

I didn't see them at first, because I was occupied looking at a piece of merchandise, but I heard the child say what sounded like something about "fat" but I wasn't sure what he said. But then, the mom laughed, followed by the dad asking, "What?" The mom replied, "He said, 'She's really fat'." When they both laughed, the little boy joined them.

I was the only shopper standing nearby, so the child obviously meant me. I really, really wanted to speak to them about it but unfortunately, by this time, they were more than an aisle over from me, and I didn't really want to seem like I was chasing them down. At least, that's what I told myself. Maybe I was just too concerned (afraid?) about how they would react.

What would I have said if I had the opportunity? Just this: "Excuse me. I happen to have heard your little boy's comment about me just now. I'm not mad, but I do think it's really sad that you just missed such a teachable moment with your child. Young children say whatever they think and it's up to us, as parents, to teach them what is appropriate and what isn't. You could have explained to him that saying such things about people is considered rude and it can hurt people's feelings. Instead, you chose to laugh at it, which sent him the message that not only is it okay to say unkind things about people, it's even funny. I hope that when this kind of opportunity presents itself again -- as it surely will -- that you will give some thought to handling it differently."

Of course, I missed my own teaching opportunity here -- the opportunity to perhaps help a young, inexperienced couple of parents see things in a different light. They may have been receptive, or they may have told me to... well... %$*&@#.... or whatever.

So, I'm doing the next best thing I can think of. I'm sharing here and perhaps someone else will be able to get something from it. At least it makes me feel like I did something even if it wasn't what I really wish I'd done. And, maybe next time I have such a teaching opportunity, I'll take advantage of it.

On the brighter side... this encourages me to keep working on my goal so that someday I will be disqualified for the "really fat" title!